Thursday, November 20, 2008

MINNESOTA ALMOST ELECTS STUART SMALLEY...DUH!


Now that I have offended Canada, France, homeschoolers and want to rip on scrapbookers next, I am going to offend Minnesota, but they deserve it. I DO have friends from that lovely and freezing state and here is their disclaimer: I love you guys. Having said that, is there anyway we can give Minnesota back to whomever we stole it from? I think Louisiana should go back to France, California should go back to Mexico and Minnesota should be given back to the Minnetonkians or the Vikings, the real ones NOT the football team, or the Spaniards, whoever. I didn't have time to Wiki it, feel free to do it yourself and correct me. We pre-European types want to return Minnesota to their rightful owners. I mean seriously, who are these people who first elect Jesse Ventura as Governor and NOW ALMOST elect Al, I am a freaking deranged pedophiliac, Franken? Who are these people? Are they smoking crack? High on ecstasy? Popping Oxycontin or just plain so friggin cold you just can't think? It is a complete mystery to me. Did they not get the memo that Al is a washed up pseudo-comedian with very little talent from old and desperate Saturday Night Live? The lame skit he wrote was called Stuart Smalley's Daily Affirmation. His self-help routine was funny the first time and then every time after that watching it was like being shot with a highly potent tranquilizer in the butt. The movie was even worse. Al was kind of funny in Trading Places and I like the part when he becomes a gorilla's love interest, but other than that Al Franken is a tax-evading pedofreak that thinks that child porn is funny and "satirical". Yea, he is a losing loser who loses and cheats to win elections.
So here I am to offer up the suggestion that there are states that should secede from our union. Yep, that's what I said. Give them back from whence they came. If you are stupid enough to elect or even ALMOST elect complete retards to represent your state, then its time for you to move on. Please leave us. You betcha. Okey dokey. Alrighty then. Ya. You just move on out and take your frozen lakes with you. We thought you were smart, you do have the Mayo Clinic and all. Not to mention a super huge mall. This tripped us up. We actually thought that somewhere in this Quaker hosting rolling hills state of Scandanavian blonds that you might understand that Al Franken is a crooked, creepy, deranged, washed-up, perverted, lying liar that tells lies...just ask his accountant. But no. You have ALMOST elected him. This in my mind gives the ass hat award to you Minnesota. Wear it with NO pride. The voters who scribbled in Al's name are no longer welcome in this country. Please leave. You are dumb. And just so you know Al is contesting this ballot as a possible non-vote...Nope can't tell who this person chose, throw it out. Straight from Al Gore's how to steal an election playbook. Yep, Al and Al, both couldn't be bigger losers. Nice going Minnesota. I think you owe America an apology. If Al shows up as a United States Senator then I am almost certain we are doomed to a societal schizophrenic episodic meltdown. I mean sooooo much disrespect. After all...If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18″ of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.

16 comments:

Larry T Durham said...

My real estate back ground is kicking in: Evict Minnesota from the US Now! ...and serve papers on California.

Great rant on Frankenland Nikki.

Karen said...

Good one, Nikki. I cannot believe what I see on the news about that Senate race. Unreal.

Chuck said...

His only real claim to fame is a couple of libelous books about Rush Limbaugh.

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ba and the boys said...

him winning is almost as bad as butters winning his district again. seriously people! what the freak are you thinking?

Mustang said...

Senator Al Franken. Gad! His achievement, along with the 14 term election success of Barney Fa .. um, Frank, should give hope to other leftists, such as Ducky.

Only in America, folks. Only in America.

I think you should send this post to The History Channel; maybe they'll open an investigation into the possibility that Minnesota has been taken over by space critters. Don't laugh; the proposition has as much credibility as a win by Franken and Obama.

As to your social circle, this post should pretty much remove any possibility of you receiving gifts or Christmas cards from anyone other than your two neighbors, and the jury is still out on those guys. Don't worry, though, I'll send you a Christmas card.

Great rant!

Sandi said...

Did Al franken win?!? I lost track - it kept going back and forth. If he did, that's pretty sad. Right up there with the ex-wrestler being elected Governor. And California with Arnie at the helm. Al Franken needs to go back to whatever it was he did before he got into politics.

MRMacrum said...

Minnosoteans have already proven how clueless they are by re-electing that loony tune Michelle Bachmann for another term. Al Franken is hardly in the same league as that whacko.

Anne said...

Al Franken was a comedian? Really? Must have missed that.

And as for Minnesota . . . what do you expect from the land of a thousand flakes. And to think, I have some Norske relatives who live there.

namaste said...

i LOVE the way you let it rip, nik! woo-hoo! great rant!

"lying liar that tells lies"

you friggin rock, girlie!!

;)

Clay said...

Remember, Minnesota was the only state to vote against Reagan in 1984. I guess that automatically labels them as MORONS. Sorry to my friends in Minnesota, but you do need a heavy dose of reality.

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Hi Nikki... I think it was Paul Gleason who became the gorilla's love toy in Trading Places. Al Franken was one of the two really dim baggage handlers.

But he was still funny in his role.

Go Norman!

Nikki said...

El Cerdo Ignatius, You are sooo right! I stand so corrected...oh well its a fun clip. I guess Al was the one who got him the hook-up. Dang my old brain. Thanks for pointing that out! :)N

Sally said...

For every Jesse Helms & Strom Thurmon (I know they are dead)the Senate needs an Al Franken. "Lies & the lying liars that tell them" is a great book...very well researched. Even has a photo copy of Bill O'Reilly's voter registration card where he registered as a Repukelican. Riotous material. Al is a talented writer. Go AL!!!! Go Vikings!!!

Freadom said...

Good point Nikki. I hope you don't send Michigan back to Canada too, because I don't want to move. Even though Michigan is the quentissential example of how liberalism always fails -- but don't tell that to the 60% of people who voted for Obama.

I think instead of getting rid of the states that think liberalsim is a good idea, we might as well just grab the popcorn, sit back, and watch as it fails like it's failed every time it's been tried. And then watch as the cavalry (conservatives) come in once again to save the day.

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Just for the record, Canada is already "lefty" enough. If you have any states to send to us, could they please have one or two right-leaning voters in them. Thanks.