Thursday, November 20, 2008
MINNESOTA ALMOST ELECTS STUART SMALLEY...DUH!
Now that I have offended Canada, France, homeschoolers and want to rip on scrapbookers next, I am going to offend Minnesota, but they deserve it. I DO have friends from that lovely and freezing state and here is their disclaimer: I love you guys. Having said that, is there anyway we can give Minnesota back to whomever we stole it from? I think Louisiana should go back to France, California should go back to Mexico and Minnesota should be given back to the Minnetonkians or the Vikings, the real ones NOT the football team, or the Spaniards, whoever. I didn't have time to Wiki it, feel free to do it yourself and correct me. We pre-European types want to return Minnesota to their rightful owners. I mean seriously, who are these people who first elect Jesse Ventura as Governor and NOW ALMOST elect Al, I am a freaking deranged pedophiliac, Franken? Who are these people? Are they smoking crack? High on ecstasy? Popping Oxycontin or just plain so friggin cold you just can't think? It is a complete mystery to me. Did they not get the memo that Al is a washed up pseudo-comedian with very little talent from old and desperate Saturday Night Live? The lame skit he wrote was called Stuart Smalley's Daily Affirmation. His self-help routine was funny the first time and then every time after that watching it was like being shot with a highly potent tranquilizer in the butt. The movie was even worse. Al was kind of funny in Trading Places and I like the part when he becomes a gorilla's love interest, but other than that Al Franken is a tax-evading pedofreak that thinks that child porn is funny and "satirical". Yea, he is a losing loser who loses and cheats to win elections.
So here I am to offer up the suggestion that there are states that should secede from our union. Yep, that's what I said. Give them back from whence they came. If you are stupid enough to elect or even ALMOST elect complete retards to represent your state, then its time for you to move on. Please leave us. You betcha. Okey dokey. Alrighty then. Ya. You just move on out and take your frozen lakes with you. We thought you were smart, you do have the Mayo Clinic and all. Not to mention a super huge mall. This tripped us up. We actually thought that somewhere in this Quaker hosting rolling hills state of Scandanavian blonds that you might understand that Al Franken is a crooked, creepy, deranged, washed-up, perverted, lying liar that tells lies...just ask his accountant. But no. You have ALMOST elected him. This in my mind gives the ass hat award to you Minnesota. Wear it with NO pride. The voters who scribbled in Al's name are no longer welcome in this country. Please leave. You are dumb. And just so you know Al is contesting this ballot as a possible non-vote...Nope can't tell who this person chose, throw it out. Straight from Al Gore's how to steal an election playbook. Yep, Al and Al, both couldn't be bigger losers. Nice going Minnesota. I think you owe America an apology. If Al shows up as a United States Senator then I am almost certain we are doomed to a societal schizophrenic episodic meltdown. I mean sooooo much disrespect. After all...If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18″ of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.