Friday, December 18, 2009

CHRISTMAS AND BUTT HURT ATHEISTS


Every year in December I try to make fun of the cry baby atheist butt heads and this year is no different. I must call out the atheist church and state separatists who curl up and pee in their pants when Christmas comes to town hall. SIGH. Every year I think I am going to get someone fired at Target if Darwin forbid, I say Merry freaking Christmas. The clerk usually starts crying and says Happy Holidays? In the form of a question no less, not knowing if the person is boycotting stores who don't say CHRISTMAS or if they are some anal retentive atheist, Jew or Kwanzaa person who will implode if they hear the word Merry and Christmas.(I have no idea what the hell Kwanzaa is) So this little diddy is for you my sad little Jesus fraidy cats who have nothing better to do than complain and I hope it makes you feel better when you try to kill Christmas. Trust me I know what it is like to bitch and moan about retarded stuff. I do it all the time so I am not judging you. I am just making fun of you because you are so silly this time of year. I think its hilarious that you have to put on a garlic necklace like a vampire when you see the ten commandments or a nativity scene at the city and county building. Like I always say, mix in some sugar or some heavily spiked eggnog and roll with it. Buy some shiz and help the economy. I promise, if you come up with some sort of winter celebration celebrating atheism, I will join the fun. Call it winter evolutionmas and celebrate by eating lots of food and putting presents under a big neanderthal statue or something. You could write some songs about Charles like, Silent evolution, Holy evolution, all is calm, all is evolving, round yon virgin she is a hot, please have my child. You could do plays about evolution and scientific theories and as long as there is a sugar cookie and some punch at the end...I'M IN!! Can't we all just get along? A tree at the court house doesn't have to send you into outer space Jesus hell. No one is establishing a religion by putting up pretty lights. No one changed the name of city hall to Jesus hall just because a reindeer dons the front lawn. You can think to yourself, WOW a tree with pretty colored lights...I once had an acid trip like that in college. I appreciate all religions and non-religions. And as soon as you ask me how I feel about green gasses, climate change and the government imposing that ridiculous spaghetti monster on me, then I guess I will listen to your freedom from religion seepage. Until then...MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

14 comments:

tammy said...

Seriously! These same thoughts go through my head everytime I hear of someone complaining. Did you hear our governor say she wouldn't call our tree a "holiday tree" because it's a "Christmas tree" and the government has done enough to sterilize the holidays? I loved her for that.

lisa said...

Did you ever think of taking your show on the road Nikki?
You are hysterical.

Happy-Merry

ba and the boys said...

celebrate louder! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

susana said...

I don't watch fox news so Im probably missing the poor-poor persecuted christian pageantry they put on parade this time of year.
But Merry Merry Christmas Christmas to all...And sincerely I hope youz all start feeling more merry and less vengeful during 2012.

Nikki said...

tammy, that is so cool about our governor! Gutsy lady...she gets points! :)N

Nikki said...

susana, the report was on CNN, you can click on the link and it will take you to the article. Thanks for the Christmas wishes. I feel nothing but Merriment, ever! :)N

Righty64 said...

You are on a roll! It is sooo true. At my job, mostly on the phone, someone actually wished me a Merry Christmas and I was so stunned I just muttered "Same to you!" These are pathetic, unhappy souls that spread their misery around. BTW, it is the Winter Solstice on Monday!

namaste said...

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!! MY SWEET FRIEND. I LOVE YOU!! and i LOVED this post. you have snark and humor down to a science! wooo-hoooo!!

as for what the hell is kwanzaa? lol! it's a made up holiday by some angry guy named karenga who belonged to black power movement of the 1960s.

love the way you sock it to the cry-babies. sweet!

;-)

Marci said...

evolutionmas... I think you may be onto something here. At the very least this made me giggle! MERRY CHRISTmas!

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Merry Christmas, Nikki and friends!

UtahManSir said...

Susana..."And sincerely I hope youz all start feeling more merry and less vengeful during 2012."

Casual slip of the tongue? or insightful forethought? to postpone happiness and merriment until the next Presidential election year (2012). I'm all for it! Let's skip 2010 & 2011 and get right to ending this one-termer! Merry Future Christmases!!!

susana said...

Sir utah man,
Guaranteed it was a careless slip-o-the tongue or perhaps a freudian flip of a finger.

insightful forethought. it taint. That's Nikki's department.

Larry Durham said...

Merry Christmas Nikki! Loved the rant on atheist...God love 'em...no wait...

Indigo Red said...

I'm an Atheist and could not possibly agree with you more. Bunch of cry babies.
I've no problem with Christmas; I like the season and, indeed, the reason for the season. Jesus had a mighty fine message.
I'm concerned that the Atheists are going to wise up about New Years day. January 1st is not a new year for everybody on Earth - only the Christian part because of two Popes. It's not a new year for Jews, not Muslims, not many Africans, not Asians following the Chinese calendar.
Halloween, the most precious day for Atheist because they think it's a snub to Christians with all the witchy stuff, was appropriated by Christians and incorporated into All Saints Day, Nov 1. My goodness, without Christianity, we wouldn't have any holidays (holy days) at all, not even Independence Day or Thanksgiving; they'd just be days.
Belatedly, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Go Scott Brown!