Sunday, March 7, 2010

WHO THE HELL IS OSCAR ANYWAY??


The Oscars suck. It's nothing new. I watched it anyway just so I could blog about something other than Obama's dumb ass. It sucked not because of the hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. I actually thought they were decent. Steve Martin was good old fashioned make fun of Hollywood funny and Alec Baldwin was his normal Daffy self, but they are not what murdered my brain cells. I wish I could sue the entertainment industry for making me dumber for watching the Oscars. I know I had a choice to change the channel, but it is such great blogging material and I love to make fun of celebutards. I hate them. Yea, I said I HATE them.
Remember when we used to know the movies that were nominated mostly because movies only cost 4 bucks back then and more importantly because movies used to be good. Not so much anymore. Movies are way too expensive to waste 2 hours on suck. So I stay home a lot.
The jokes were dry and non-political. It's as though Hollywood shriveled up like a dried up slug on the sidewalk not knowing how to joke about politics. Bush is out so the collective trendy laughing at stupid deranged Bush jokes was missed and kind of weird for the Poliwood tongue waggers. Obama IS joke WORTHY Hollywood in case you haven't noticed. Obama is the biggest joke in America. Bring it comedians, start being "authentic". Maaaannn I hate that word! How many times did they use the word "authentic" in any and all Oscar dialog? I wanted to rip out my eyeball. Authentic? Actors? Really? What the hell does that mean? You are ACTING like you are a different character than who you really are and that is NOT "authentic"ism. Let's not ART up the lingo at the Oscars and pretend you aren't neomaxizamdweebies. Authenticate your lameness celebutards. How about we put the word authentic in word hell with diversity, tolerance, hope, change and anything ending in PHOBE, OKAAAY?!! Now come on funny maniac writers of the lollipop actors guild, make fun of Obama already and then maybe I will think that you are all true and "authentic" gurp, actors.
We all know winning an Oscar will end an actor's career so let's not pretend it's a big deal to win one. Whoopi won an Oscar for The Color Purple and went on to do Jumpin' Jack Flash and The View...nuff said. Case closed. Exclamation point. Win Oscar, bye-bye career.
In the end it was a surprising night. Avatar sank like the Titanic and Sandra Bullock won best actress by playing a southern religious right-winged white do-gooder in the movie The Blind Side. This movie was fantastic and so was Sandra Bullock. Good for Sandy and chalk one up for the Bible belt mama's. Not only that, the story is true and truly inspirational! Besides, blue people who bash on the military and look like Fern Gully on crack while trying to push an uber-environmental message and have sex with their tails, is so last administration. It is now popular to support the military, DAH!! Whatever!! Kiss my Hurt Locker butt. Anybody ever heard of that movie? The Hurt Locker? Nope. Shocker.
George Clooney looked like a grumpy old sore loser fart who wanted to be somewhere else. Is it me or did the no Oscar the grouch loser authentically act like a pompous D-Bag ingrate or was George part of some NOT funny Oscar act? Either way I was tired of seeing Clooney's big fat mug on my 52 inch idiot box. He looked douchey.
Oprah, Oprah, Oprah....sigh, where do I begin with you. Oprah, you have started talking like John Kerry and Thurston Howell the 3rd from Gilligan's Island. Did you really go to Haaaahrvard or did you learn how to talk like you have a stick up your ass from hanging around Harvard grad Barack Obama? Maybe it is too much time spent with the old wind bag Maya Angelou, I don't know, but stop. What is up with your voice, Oprah? It creeps me out big time. Also, I don't know what to make of your movie Precious. I didn't see it, and I probably won't because I don't like hate filled movies(inject sarcasm here). Actually I won't see it because I hate you Oprah, no other reason needed. At any rate, It doesn't seem like the movie Precious puts black people in the best light, much like your other flick with purple in the title. Help me understand where you are going with all these negatively portraying black people movies, Oprah. It hurts my elbow and takes me back to the days of Oprah as Jerry Springer vs. Oprah who remembers her spirit. Like Paul said, Let it be, Oprah, just let it be. At least I hope it was Paul. Retire and go to a voice coach.
Babs is awesome. I love old liberal movie stars that have feminist hippie issues. Sometimes I think Babs is a lesbian. Not that there is anything wrong with being a lesbian, but mix in some lipstick already. Good thing Mr. Brolin married you Babs or Rosie would hit on you like Tiger at a Heidi Fleiss dinner party. I especially love old liberal legends such as yourself who got screwed out of Oscars back in your directing day. Remember Babs when you directed The Prince of Tides and it was nominated for best picture? Poor tie-dye bra burning Barbra Streisand wasn't nominated for best director and yet her movie was nominated for best picture. How does that happen Academy? Logic goes as follows: Best director probably directs best picture. Way to go Hollywood. Even after all of your political preaching to us little peeps down through the years, it wasn't until today that you put your worthless politics where your lousy movie mouths are. 2010 before a woman won an Oscar as a DIRECTOR! OUT-FREAKING-STANDING! Yep, Hollywood...a town of hypocrites. I don't understand why celebrities are democrats. Can someone explain it to me? Oh yea, it's because democrats are racist, sexist and bigoted, forgot. Social awareness as defined by a bunch of blow holes and authentically acted by none. You lying liars, you tell lies. Good riddance Oscar. I AM OUT!! And yes, I am a fan of the run-on. Make it grammatically correct already!!

8 comments:

Pedaling said...

k- i didn't watch, but, had i been in arizona- i could have endured having my brain cells murdered....with you-side by side, and you, only!
funny post-
probably the only blogger posting on this "event", today, who actually got it right!

namaste said...

woo-hooo!! a big ole high-five to you on this one, nik! especially about obama being the pink elephant in the room: the BIGGEST JOKE in America that nobody wants to talk about.

AND...!

especially about that STUPID movie precious. didn't see it, never want to see it! oprah is an idiot and so is everyone else attached to that bitter, ugly movie.

great post! you had me cracking up with this one...again!

namaste said...

oh! and you made my day with your report about george clooney! GLAD to hear they finally snubbed his me-me-me HAM behaving butt! Gawd! he's so in love with himself.

tammy said...

You make me laugh.

Loved Sandra Bullock and her speech.

We actually just watched The Hurt Locker over the weekend and it was really good. It was a little hard for me to watch, considering my BIL was killed by an IED, but good. But the Blind Side is more of my kind of movie.

Sandi said...

Thank goodness for our DVR. We watched the whole show in 45 minutes!

Obammy is A Shammy said...

AMEN!

lisa said...

I painfully watched too. I too was waiting For the political jokes but the joke was no one saying any.
Sean Penn should have said his Hugo Chavez rant defending him against those 'meanies' for calling him a 'meanie'. Did you catch that one? The useful idiots were probably all itching in their seats trying to being all politically correct and all for a change.

EDGE said...

Haven't seen Blind Side...should be good!