Saturday, June 19, 2010

PROBLEM SOLVING 101 by PRESIDENT OBAMA


When a problem presents itself the Obama administration goes to work and the process goes something like this:
President Obama is informed that there is an oil spill. He scratches his head and lets out a big HUH. The HUH referred to is not a HUH as in a question but as in an OH. So Oh calls in his peeps to the Ohval office and asks whether or not this spill is a big deal or something that he can wait and deal with after his vacation and golf game. His peeps say that it is something that can wait because they know Obama with no vacay is one big douche. So the staff decides they will keep an eye on the news to see if any talking heads make the oil spill a big deal, politically. Talking heads make spill a big deal along with the dead ocean life and faltering livelihoods of many fisherman etc. Dang that sucks worse than 10 sucking things for the staff of frat boys on Pennsylvania Ave. Now they have to cancel their basketball game...bullocks! Oh continues to vacay and decides he may as well head to the damaged areas of the oil spill for a photo-op. He takes his little umbrella drink with him and is seen laughing and kicking it all silly like which generates more angst among us peoples. So Oh decides he will go on the idiot box for an idiotview to say some strong words and swears and digs a bigger sink hole of criticism so he decides he will give a prime time speech. He is super good at those! In this speech Oh says absolutely nothing but he does brag about the big fat brains of the people he has assessing the oil situation to see what can be done. Yes this means we are still waiting for action on the part of the federal government. So far Oh has formed a bunch of gay committee's of smart people to plan meetings with other smart people. In these meetings they plan meetings and discuss what sort of meeting they could have to discuss possible meetings. Then they meet, all these smart people and they bloviate more smart meeting shit before they decide to have another meeting. Then they try to phone the President and can't get a hold of him because he is in a meeting with other smart people nuancing the shit out of themselves. Then they put some Nobel prize or Pulitzer prize flunky in charge and meet with said genius to solve this problem of oil everywhere in the ocean. Then the smart prized dude says he can only work part-time so they need to get someone else to handle some of the meetings. The meetings are going well. They have decided to meet. At these meetings they say really fancy words and long sentences about how the Bush administration is really to blame. They are so smart these meeters in the meetings. In the mean time they set a date to talk, meet, opine, talk, meet, say a speech, create a task force, hold a news conference, take a picture by some fishing people who are sad, talk, meet, drop names about how smart the people in charge are, theorize about how this spill thing could happen when us peeps really don't give a shit how it happened we just want it cleaned up, meet, create a task force, talk, report on someones resume, hold a news conference, take a picture, say some swears, meet, meet, talk, talk some more and hold another meeting, create a task force, talk, have a meeting and still no one has made a decision. NO ONE! Not even the PRESIDENT!! Say what you want about Bush, but at least the dude had some hair on his James and the Giant PEACHES and could make a decision for better or for worse. This nuanced bullshit is making me want to slap someone. WORST. PRESIDENT. IN. HISTORY. I AM OUT! *UPDATE: Obama is golfing today. Yep.
Oh yea and he also looked at some sand....

7 comments:

lisa said...

hahaha that was so funny. Very accurate as to how this went down.

Love this one :"They are so smart these meeters in the meetings."

He proves more and more that high SAT scores does not a presidential qualification make.

One cannot govern by speeches and tele-prompters alone.

MaxMaster said...

Very humorous report on the reality of the situation. You have a knack for hitting the nail on the head in a funny manner.

To those of us living on the gulf this is a very serious matter so i didn't think I would find this at all funny...but the James and the funny peaches comment split my sides open. As usual, Great Post.

PS: You could add that PoS Obama found time to honor the men's and women's NCAA WINNERS before springing into action to get to the golf course before meeting about the oil spill.

Janelle said...

"This nuanced bullshit is making me want to slap someone." Perfect, Nikki!

namaste said...

hey! you just described my sucky job from another life! what a bullseye!

i love observing "nuanced bullshit." but it sure irked the shit out of me to know how much money that part-time smart prized due made. funny as hell post!

btw, curse that damned feejit for catching me when i'm trolling bleary-eyed in the middle of the night looking for a measily blog fix, too tired to comment.

Nikki said...

Haha Maria, lurk away babe!! Lurk away...I love it and you! :)N

Pedaling said...

okay, just read the men are not hot post on my reader.
where is it.
I have a comment, for heavens sake.

tammy said...

"Oh yea and he also looked at some sand...." - snort!!